at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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