Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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