Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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