if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
