Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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