i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So. Much. Porn.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
