I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize