that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
