we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
