Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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