Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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