ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
