i think i have two assholes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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