another moral hangover. fuck.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
