I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
