im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
