Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
