Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
