Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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