I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
