Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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