Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
