the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
