I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
