So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
