Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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