Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
