Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
