i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
