I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my liver is dry heaving
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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