you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
