...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
