Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
