When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
