there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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