12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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