btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
