i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We have so much sex to catch up on
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
