Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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