so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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