look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How external is "for external use only"?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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