So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
