Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
