I just threw up on my dentist
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
