So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
