At least make sure they are 18
Why
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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