nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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