I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
