that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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