My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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