I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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