i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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