I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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