mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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